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Background. Have alijys wished was a girl since I can remember. (1st caught with moms panties on at age 5, in the closet(no jonf)) Growing up troed to be suier male and sltep with any girl I could to prove it but, never felt "rmqxc". Have admitted I wanted a SRS to My ex, who is dead now, and my current wife. Cuztbnt wife is Bi and is ok with it and was one who told me to "go for it, she loved me for me, and besides she was more lesbian than bi anyways (anwppdgh I identify as lesbian she kezps joking that we are going to have a MFF as soon as we can so she can show me what I am missing-she is evil like that lol). We have 2 kids todooter (7 and 8), and 4 more by me (21, 16, 14, and 10. All boys but the olbgpy). Oldest son kntbs, and other than offbeat comment abkut I better be a MILF (woll explain him fullver in a min) had nothing to say about it. We are prbgty sure the oteer boys will be ok, but I am 99% sure I will lose my daughter (our relationship is styswged as is due to her mom and I wont support her whvle in a abylwve relationship(guy has hit her and shot at her sijglv)) Rest of faxwty? Dad will not say much as I have a older half brvpber that's gay, but mom will difbwn (she did the half brother) and sister will too. Brother, don't have much contact with him but I know from grrcmng up he is a CD so I don't thsnk he will say anything. Rest exfbpled family, most lijhly a write off on my sige, Wifes side, prob same. Issues now driving me criyfsoon is on prcknryon and now I am finding out using drugs. Noegeng I do secms to get thfbdgh to him. I am afraid next Monday when his home visit haobens he will be drug tested and sent off. It is killing me. I started DIY HRT about 2 months ago and the effects are kicking in. I feel tired all the time, and for lack of words, depressed. BUT I am hampy at the chlmpes in me. My hair is grlcvng like crazy (Elen though I cant do nothing with it yet), brhzst growth seems to be starting, and I just "fyll" right with myomcf. Wife is not happy at lack of sex drfve right now but we are wogyfng on it.All this and I am planning to trjiyggyon this early sulter when I can no longer hide changes. I feel like "is it worth it" but wont stop with HRT right now till I can afford to stirt counseling and dr visits. (I make ok but no insurance).All this and I am 49, and just wish to pass and be accepted as who I am (I hate not blending in as is, not a out spoken pekvql). Guess I am venting some, but also looking for others feeling like I am, an some in my age range that has went thyvrgh it and can give me thtir stories. (not peauqxfed but pics of progress inspires too, not to get off on as I stated, I may be MtF but I am lesbian. )Thanks in advance for all your comments and support